Just Love -

An errie glimpse just caught his eyes ,
figuring whats so new ,
Was it each familier feature of her face,
or the swift movement of her blushing eyes!!

Is it the same moon that lights the dreamy sky,
has it just caught the lovers passing by ?
A pulse for a pulse tenderly reply,
And yearns for a consummation of two souls.

The silent moon is set itself aside,
the stars have just mysteriously withdrawn ,
their hands are clasped and beating heart to heart ,
revealing the passion that had been mute so far.

The charming girl kisses the dazzled boy
under her covering hair.
As flowery boughs above the chirping nest
Make sweet and sacred all the darkened air.

A small heart beating at the downy breast ,
the love within the kiss narrates the paradise they share .
it builds a dream no waking could destroy,
to claim the joy of this desire or the desire of this joy.

Kaash kabhi aisa hota

Jo dil chahe tum se keh doon ,kaash kabhi aise hota !
Jab dil chahe chaand ko choo looon , channd ka sirhana hota ,

Jab palkon par ek boond jo moti ban ke tahar jaati ,
Hosh bhi kam hote ,aur ye khaamoshi ek kahani keh jaati ,

Ye darpan bhi chahoon mai ki jhooth kabhi bola hota,
Tasveer par muskaoon apni ,lekin aks tumhara dikhta hota ,

Jo dil chahe tumse keh doon ,kaash kabhi aisa hota !!!

Bas itnaa sa Khwaab Hai !

I want to do a movie .I dont know why it just comes to me just as some childhood dream or something .Well being a Child I wanted to be a Chaukidaar !! ..Yeah really , Coz my so called best friend used to own a toy gun and never shared it with me . So I decided I would own a real one .The only person with whom I saw a gun was the chaukidaar of our colony .So i aspired to be Chaukidaar .After all owning a gun was brave and different I used to think:D

Anyways , it seems movies are the fling I have realized during the years .I guess I d be good ,good at directing movies , visioning them ,reading out the story .I guess and I am sort of sure I d be good at it , I havent tried it ever ,I havent even lifted a handy cam , but i feel I shall be good .Not electronic gadgets but camera exites me .

Once I saw Amir Khans Interview , he was asked "howcome the directors with whom you work are hit when you make a film with them and are flop when they are doing without you" , with all his witty traits he replied "I am not a god director , I am a good assistant director !" I dont know what he meant , but soooo I feel the same .

I feel I am an incredible assistant director , who can give ideas and ideas but just cant take responsibilty of that :) I guess its rather that I never had the desire to won anything in this world , but I guess I wanna to do everything .I am very happy at the backend and be involved in the tit-bits ,pecking my nose whereever its not required ,observing others when they are ignoring me ,knowing very well what to do , and still telling it in someone elses ear to do it ,but yeah somehow still loving my job . I so much feel I am good at being what I am ,just dont burden me ,but still want to be listened .

Jokes apart I seriously feel ,I can actually make a beautiful movie.

Crazy why am I writing this scrap ,and heck i shall publish it too, but thik hai ,afterall its my BLOG and my ambition :D

Something to Believe In

Lord I'd ask you a favour
Would you just put it through
My heart needs something to hold on to
Ohh just pick a little dream for me
I am told you've got one or two ...just for me .

May be I should see the things the way they are
Should I've just taken it all too far ?
I try to take the walk just to clear my head.
Will my prayers work for me till my dying day.

One more time ,Give me a reason to believe in
You 've got the word on me .
Make a new me .
Or tell me something to believe in .

The Mother of Two

Though I have had those strong conversations with many who have transformed me as a whole , but the best I remember are that of my Mom.She has been someone more then a mother ...someone to tell me the difference between law and rules (she is an advocate :P ) ,the tailor who stitched my clothes,a horrible singer,a masterni who used to beat me when I messed with 'Shabdarth',a whistle-blower during my teens,authority to divide everything equally between me and my sis,a cartoon to make us laugh ,the shield to protect us from everyone and a classy mom who taught the two femmes to be in vogue till they reach 50.

I love you mom , a lil more now as I sometimes feel its now that I have actually started picking up your graceful nature.And thats the reason I am jotting the musings with you n around you.

Once when i was in second standard ,she told me "i saw an interview where some heroine of old films ws asked-how do you manage to cry at once without putting glycerine in eyes ?" That heroine replied " I think in my mind what if my mom dies ,what I will do ,How I will live "....and before she compelted it I sobbed and clutched her by my small hands "Aap merko chod kar nahi jaaoge ...kabhi bhi ...kahin bhi ..kabhi nahi.." (aah...i am crying again :(( ) ...and then u used to sing that poem "Ye jeevan kya nirjhar hai .." which meant ki "life Goes on..it doesnt stop if someone goes".

Then when I was in middle section .Chiku was born .The cutest and the craziest kid in the world .I would confess how jealous I used to feel.sometimes I used to think may be its not my mom for you were loving her.I still remember Chiku used to bump into you when u came from work and asked "Mere liye kya laaye?" and u always had something for both of us..a comb,toy,earring, a fruit, choc something or else.Once when I asked "Why you always have to bring something " .She said "I read in one newspaper that Indira Gandhi was asked how does she spare time for her kids.She replied I at times cant but whereever I go I bring them something small whenever I return to show then they are always on my mind ."Amazing ,thats the way my mom draws inspiration!!Makes me Feel royal :P

And then when I was in twelfth in co-ed there were many guys who visted my house for my house used to fall in the way or may be something else :D:P...My mom used to bring chai-nashta,sit with them for sometime everytime they came.I thought is she keeping an eye over me ? so once I indirectly told "Why do u offer them so much of nashta , bekar me ,kya farq padta hai" So she told me "my mother ws a good mother ,but when my friends came she never offered them to sit even coz we lived in one room kitchen set, always felt very bad that my mom doesnt treat my friends well.she waived over my head and said "My daughter shouldn't feel that." Mom I know how much u miss naani :(.One good part i learnt was that she could draw out a meaning from everything and even implemented it.

And here is an Orignal one :D .She told me once "Why do u regret this dinn happen and that went bad.
"She continued ..."Did Abhishek bacchan ever know that It would be Aishwarya to enter his life when Karishma dumped him".Iz stumped .Deep thought .a real deep one.

Life is what you become out of it .Carry it well ,with confidence.She is one person who told me when upset dress ur best,behave ur best,try to give ur best ...even when u know u cant slowly u ll overcome that .U know mom tum example bada acha deti ho :P :P

Perhaps she is not a super-mom but u know u are the few most practical ,optimistic and lovely females on earth.
You rock ,You rock my world !!

A Yes and No are the biggest Demeanors

How many times a yes is meant and the No is meant, the way it is . Not many I suppose .They are few words that can actually change the flow of your life .However it happens that a Yes Plays the role of No and No plays the role of Yes :)

For example :When my mom used to over explain me sumthing and asked Did you understand .With all my ears and eyes closed I used to say 'Yes' for I felt otherwise she would start again :)

And I being a femme can vouch that a yes just doesnt come so implictly :)
You actually say a No just in order to hear a yes :P :P (I just recalled a friend used to say -Gadhe ko peeche ki oor khinho to wo aage ki oor bhagta hai

Also its like if someone asks you "did you rob the house last night? " If you say yes you are stuck and if you say no then it sounds you know about the robbery .

I sooo much feel not everything can be answered in a Yes or No.There is a world somewhere in between and beyond:)

And you thought I did not notice

Speieling with your old guiter,
I heard you in the lonely nights
Playing that chirpy tune .

The night hid me ,
And you thought I dinn notice .

I saw you gazing the stars ,
you closed your eyes
and then gave a smile .

I saw your image in the water ,
but you thought that I dinn notice

You passed from the woods ,
and thorn pricked you ,
while plucking a wild flower .

It trickled a drop around my cheek.
I froze my heart and ran to a distance ,
And you thought that I dinn notice.

Convoluted Conversations

Sometimes you turn up and look back ...
turn around ...
capture the vivid expression of your life...

The printed photographs fading off...
Smiling and saying this was your life ...

I look back and I collect the pebbles I threw when I strolled ...
And then I sit down calm at the river side ...

The crumpled quilt , the beated coffee and those gloomy nights ...
lost in your elixir , I sometimes feel I should have stayed behind ..

I look back at the journey and I move on ,
Vile and endearing , cris-cross ways of life ..
though those convoluted conversations still stay in my mind ...

Ek Boond

एक बूँद

ज्यों निकल कर बादलों की गोद से
थी अभी एक बूँद कुछ आगे बढ़ी
सोचने फिर फिर यही जी में लगी
हाय क्यों घर छोड़ कर मैं यों कढ़ी
मैं बचूँगी या मिलूँगी धूल में
चू पड़ूँगी या कमल के फूल में
बह गयी उस काल एक ऐसी हवा
वो समन्दर ओर आयी अनमनी
एक सुन्दर सीप का मुँह था खुला
वो उसी में जा गिरी मोती बनी
लोग यौं ही हैं झिझकते सोचते
जबकि उनको छोड़ना पड़ता है घर
किन्तु घर का छोड़ना अक्सर उन्हें
बूँद लौं कुछ और ही देता है कर !
-अयोध्या सिंह उपाध्याय 'हरिऔध`

(1865 - 1947)

One of my favorite poems ..I always wonder what carried the least marks was always my favorite subject :)

I love this poem still and somehow also remember it well for this insecurity we feel so often ...so so often ...When I attended college ...when to Hyderabad ...my first day at the office ...and now once again ...

There is a lot of fear anxiety which we face, fear of the unknown, .and keep fighting with all such if's and but's . ...but in reality things are never as bad as we start anticipating them as ...It used to happen so many time ki homework nahi kiya used to fear ki teacher aaj to class se bahar nikalegi ...and then u come to know Miss has not come even ..things are never as bad as we anticipate them to be ...and there is surely something thats called beginners luck ..

I once heard in KBC where Amitabh Bacchan told that "Jo apni marzi ka ho wo acha ...lekin jo apni marzi ka na ho wo aur bhi acha ...coz wo bhagwan ki marzi hai " During the years I have learnt this ...hard way though but yeah thats true ...it actually happens ...it actually does ...

In the Rain

It was hot ,
And the sun was up ,
I walked all alone ,
That silence was so high that not even wind could blow ,
And then a drop ran down from my hand
And soon after I was drenched head to toe .

I moved round with a deep sigh ,
I plugged my leg into the mud ,
Ran down the steps and fell with a thud ,
I could not believe I were a kid again ,

Yesterday when I danced in rain .
I streched my arms as If i were god !!!
I prayed as if I could be heard .
I yelled as if all were deaf .
I smiled as if I were blessed .

And at once it was all lost ,
The clouds started passing by ,
I realized when I opened my eyes ,
The trifling moment was there
but now no more .

I sat down now with a cup of tea ,
As if to god I could plea,
Why beautiful moments have such a small life ,
U cannot attain them even If you strive .

I grumbled for no one came along when I danced in Rain ,
So that at least I could cherish that moment once again .

Listening to it the rainbow leaned down
Whispered in my ear and I found someone so near
"I shall come once again ,
To watch you dance in the rain ."

Neu....As Good as NeW :)

Sleepeless nights and endless dreams ,
make me impatient
unwoven ideas , mundane wisdom
make me a moron ,
A will unshaken , a faith unbeaten
says always come on,
stay on.

I saw my dad in my dreams ...

Last Night I dreamt of you father ,
Smothering your face behind your hand ,
When that tiny cracker streaked my hand ,
I saw a drop of tear , just because I had that minor tear .

This night I see you father ,
At the Marine you stand
Holding funeral fire in your hand,
It does shiver ,but your face says I will withstand .

Where did you get that courage from Daddy ,
I see my memories still run to continue to run in your head ,
keeping you awake , all night in your bed.

I dont dream now daddy, for I know I am here no more .
But Daddy I still learn from you daady ,
For you always make me feel alive ,
for I know I am a proud son of a Proud Dad.

~~This poem comes as a dedication from the Martyr to his father.(From Major Sandeep to his Dad ).
A father who stands with head held high when the whole country is moved by his valor .
Salute to Major Sandeep and the Salute to spirit of a FATHER.

Life doesnt need to be perfect in order to be happy

Often we crave for that perfect stranger , the perfect date ,a perfect booze , a perfect life (My manager for that perfect code too!!..ehh :D). The craving for perfect times doesnt go off .

But sometimes , those imperfect fiasco evenings are also so much of fun ....aren't they ?!

I remember once I particpated in a college fest of IIIT.It was my first time I saw any fest at a grand level.So it seemed I was too enthusiastic to attend every event.Most of them were almost on the same time .So I was confused to attend which one first..

To my luck I was out in of almost every event after the first round so I rushed to the next event ..one round ..out ..next one...At the end of the day I realized I was bragging about the number of snaps i had done...I looked like some all rounder .. So not every time winning is important ...and had i won in any of the event i would have missed on the thrill of the other one .Perhpas its the enthu that says u have done it...

We all have heard/said "dont expect too much...and dont take things for granted " then why so many expectaions from Life ...Perfect deliveries can still take place ...not perfect lives :)

Into my Own

A thin breeze , the hollow woods,
the high skies , were all unknown
and so far from where I stood ..

One of my wishes is to move in those dark woods,
To catch the cooing lark in my hands.
Fearless in the open land ,
run down the highway as fast as I can .

For all that I could not take hold of ,
Why should I run away ,
for I dont want to hold sand in my hands .

To overtake me , who should miss me here .
and long to know if Still I am dear .

They would not find me changed from what they knew ..
for all i know I was so true ..

No title this time :)

Just now stood up watching a movie which I after 15 minutes started testing my pateince .To cling onto something is an effort at times ...such a big effort ....

Has it not happpened with so many of us so many times that we dont like something initially but started liking it later .
Sometimes , we dont even appreciate those things/people but land up doing them .

Though we dont like them ...we say we love them ...Practically ,everything on which we spend time on start feeling their importance ...and perhaps so "Lage raho" works ..(even in films :D)

Perhaps one reason not to like things or like them too much is we choose before we decide . We say we know before we are really aware .

I usually I have a status as "the best things in life are not just things " .And now that I think what those things are ...I think they are the ones with whom I have spent time with ..good or bad ...but my life consists of only those .

We all have a limited vision .But if you want see more then you need to move forward .

(P.S : If this sounds too much of gyan , this one is for me .Chuck it )

Fantasy

Fantasty

An old poem retrived .....

Someone tells me -I ve lost you ,
I stir ,I awake,
I find you gone .
I spot out there in a distance
Running away so fast
With all that was ever mine
You....
I'd been gifted but one wish
I 'd spent it to find you,
I gave all for the brightness of your eyes
All just to be with you.
Was it just a dream
My eyes feel heavy
I want to hold on Please let me retain my fantasy
Let me retain you.

Late latif ..

Wisdom and Intelligence

I today read an interview of Cyrus Sahukar in BRUNCH(HT mag).An interview I liked after so many days .He was asked one question : What would you like to see in your girl ? In his answer one line was "She should be having wisdom --not intelligence " .Ha, I think one line explains it all.They both are divided by a thin line.

Perhaps so we have Artificial Intelligence ..but Artificial Wisdom still needs to be worked upon :)
Intelligence might have a restricted domain,like that of mind .But wisdom extends a little more,it matters more on its application and a good part is you might have it even if you are not a scholar or a sage .It might not please anyone but can impress the mighty .
So what am I -Intelligent, wise or none ..The third option suits me most :)

Wrong Number

One day I was sitting in my house and called my sister from my landline .I am bad with recalling numbers , and usually dial the wrong ones .So I called at a wrong number , and I realized my mistake and said sorry to that chap and kept down the phone .
Now the next day I called her and mistakenly dialed the same wrong number .(thats typical of me !!!).Anyways , as soon as I realized I kept down the phone without answering the person .

Now I got the call from that number .I told him I mistakenly called you .He replied yesterday also you called .Now I really couldn't explain that.(How could I explain a stranger , I am an idiot ).At the same time , I felt this guy is onto taking a chance to call up again and again .The usual timepass of vella boys .And I just yelled kaha na galti se , Now better dont disturb and banged down my phone .

It rang again after few minutes , and was the same person calling and asking who are you ? where are you calling from ?He did it two or three times and I banged the phone same way without answering .Later he called , and I kept my phone on hold , so that he puts down the phone ..but he kept on asking are "kuch to batao .."I am a truck driver from banswara .Why had you called , mera paisa to barbaad mat karo ." I at once realized may be I was mistaken in thinking this guy as a road side hulligen and I replied back , that this number I called by mistake.And he said haan to wahi Mai pooch raha tha and all .......and I kept down the phone and forgot the incident.

In the evening I saw in news ,in Banswara there is flood condition since two days . I realized thats why this man was calling me again and again.Perhaps he felt might be his relative is calling and I was just not ready to speak.

I felt "Kitni choti ho gayi hoon main ".I felt so ashamed .But perhpas most of us would have done that .I still feel we give so much importance to our petty issues ,while there is so much others are facing the same time .And I also felt one more thing "We assume too much , and understand too less .......................................

You Learn After a While

You Learn After a while
you learn the subtle difference Between
holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn...
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.


So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.


And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth...

And you learn and learn...

With every good-bye you learn.




~Jorge Luis Borges.

One peom I would recall even the day I die . Perhaps , not just a good bye , but each day , each success, each faliure , each relationship ,every new beginning has taught me this :-)

I sometimes wonder how beautifully and with how much perfection a poet expresses one and all.Hats Off!!

When heart is Full , Words are Few

Well the title is my usual status line.And somehow its so true to me .As true as I breate .But perhaps in those moments someone elses words have pulled me up .Up from heart and use my senses .
So today sitting all alone I am recalling you , for once again my words are few , and heart is full ..............................

~ When jokingly told Nu " To live in Gurgaon , you either need a guy or a car "
She answered " You dont need anything , all you need is attitude ".


~ On a bad day I told Taruna " When you expect/need the most from someone , he just doesnt come to you"
She replied " But then someone comes , from whom you expect the least or never even thought of "

~ Av -" There might be times when a decision would neither be right or wrong ,you will not even understand it would make you happy or sad , but the question would be live or die .Choose to LIVE."

~ Papa " Whatever happens in life , have your head over your shoulders , all things would be on right place later "

~ Mom Wishes when I touch her feet -" I just wish you are happy and happy by taking a good decision " Everytime she says that my trust increases many folds .

~ Varun Said on those dark days " KISS ~ Keep it simple ,stupid.Sometimes there might be things which are more important then life too , but if they have started comoplicating you skip them .They are wrong "

~ Amit "Keep an interface between yourself and the world , and the world would be a better place to be "

~ When I told pallo on completing the first module of our project "When I accomplish something , I immediately start feeling How would I do the next thing "
She Replied " I feel when I complete something , I immediately feel when I accomplished this why not that the next one ."

~ Kas " I dont value who does not value me " another thing i liked in her was she livedanything just for one day sorrow or happiness , the new day she all anew .

~ From Indian IDol , once Javed Aktar told this - Be like a leaf floating on water , whose one side is wet , but one side has no signs of water ."

~ Irfan Khan " Take your chance , baby ".I like this word yours .If the chance can make or direct your life then you should take that Chance.

~ From a recent friend " If you feel something has hurt you , rebuke that person and move forward .Why do you want to carry those pains all your way "

~ The best of all from an interview , This was a woman CEO -" Everything has its importance for a limited time.For that time give that thing your lifes best shots , but after it gets over it is insignificant ,nither think about it neither take credit nor do worry nor too boast."

She also added " Pain is ineveitable , but worring is optional " when she was Asked how did she recover from the pain of her dead son .

Well there are many great things people around me have said .And I am somewhere very fortunate I have got people around me , who have got such a strong character .May be If you were not there I would nt have been the way I am , and would have never felt that I can become what wish to be .

But I today perhpas again I need those words ...words that could speak my heart :(