A Yes and No are the biggest Demeanors

How many times a yes is meant and the No is meant, the way it is . Not many I suppose .They are few words that can actually change the flow of your life .However it happens that a Yes Plays the role of No and No plays the role of Yes :)

For example :When my mom used to over explain me sumthing and asked Did you understand .With all my ears and eyes closed I used to say 'Yes' for I felt otherwise she would start again :)

And I being a femme can vouch that a yes just doesnt come so implictly :)
You actually say a No just in order to hear a yes :P :P (I just recalled a friend used to say -Gadhe ko peeche ki oor khinho to wo aage ki oor bhagta hai

Also its like if someone asks you "did you rob the house last night? " If you say yes you are stuck and if you say no then it sounds you know about the robbery .

I sooo much feel not everything can be answered in a Yes or No.There is a world somewhere in between and beyond:)

And you thought I did not notice

Speieling with your old guiter,
I heard you in the lonely nights
Playing that chirpy tune .

The night hid me ,
And you thought I dinn notice .

I saw you gazing the stars ,
you closed your eyes
and then gave a smile .

I saw your image in the water ,
but you thought that I dinn notice

You passed from the woods ,
and thorn pricked you ,
while plucking a wild flower .

It trickled a drop around my cheek.
I froze my heart and ran to a distance ,
And you thought that I dinn notice.

Convoluted Conversations

Sometimes you turn up and look back ...
turn around ...
capture the vivid expression of your life...

The printed photographs fading off...
Smiling and saying this was your life ...

I look back and I collect the pebbles I threw when I strolled ...
And then I sit down calm at the river side ...

The crumpled quilt , the beated coffee and those gloomy nights ...
lost in your elixir , I sometimes feel I should have stayed behind ..

I look back at the journey and I move on ,
Vile and endearing , cris-cross ways of life ..
though those convoluted conversations still stay in my mind ...

Ek Boond

एक बूँद

ज्यों निकल कर बादलों की गोद से
थी अभी एक बूँद कुछ आगे बढ़ी
सोचने फिर फिर यही जी में लगी
हाय क्यों घर छोड़ कर मैं यों कढ़ी
मैं बचूँगी या मिलूँगी धूल में
चू पड़ूँगी या कमल के फूल में
बह गयी उस काल एक ऐसी हवा
वो समन्दर ओर आयी अनमनी
एक सुन्दर सीप का मुँह था खुला
वो उसी में जा गिरी मोती बनी
लोग यौं ही हैं झिझकते सोचते
जबकि उनको छोड़ना पड़ता है घर
किन्तु घर का छोड़ना अक्सर उन्हें
बूँद लौं कुछ और ही देता है कर !
-अयोध्या सिंह उपाध्याय 'हरिऔध`

(1865 - 1947)

One of my favorite poems ..I always wonder what carried the least marks was always my favorite subject :)

I love this poem still and somehow also remember it well for this insecurity we feel so often ...so so often ...When I attended college ...when to Hyderabad ...my first day at the office ...and now once again ...

There is a lot of fear anxiety which we face, fear of the unknown, .and keep fighting with all such if's and but's . ...but in reality things are never as bad as we start anticipating them as ...It used to happen so many time ki homework nahi kiya used to fear ki teacher aaj to class se bahar nikalegi ...and then u come to know Miss has not come even ..things are never as bad as we anticipate them to be ...and there is surely something thats called beginners luck ..

I once heard in KBC where Amitabh Bacchan told that "Jo apni marzi ka ho wo acha ...lekin jo apni marzi ka na ho wo aur bhi acha ...coz wo bhagwan ki marzi hai " During the years I have learnt this ...hard way though but yeah thats true ...it actually happens ...it actually does ...

In the Rain

It was hot ,
And the sun was up ,
I walked all alone ,
That silence was so high that not even wind could blow ,
And then a drop ran down from my hand
And soon after I was drenched head to toe .

I moved round with a deep sigh ,
I plugged my leg into the mud ,
Ran down the steps and fell with a thud ,
I could not believe I were a kid again ,

Yesterday when I danced in rain .
I streched my arms as If i were god !!!
I prayed as if I could be heard .
I yelled as if all were deaf .
I smiled as if I were blessed .

And at once it was all lost ,
The clouds started passing by ,
I realized when I opened my eyes ,
The trifling moment was there
but now no more .

I sat down now with a cup of tea ,
As if to god I could plea,
Why beautiful moments have such a small life ,
U cannot attain them even If you strive .

I grumbled for no one came along when I danced in Rain ,
So that at least I could cherish that moment once again .

Listening to it the rainbow leaned down
Whispered in my ear and I found someone so near
"I shall come once again ,
To watch you dance in the rain ."

Neu....As Good as NeW :)

Sleepeless nights and endless dreams ,
make me impatient
unwoven ideas , mundane wisdom
make me a moron ,
A will unshaken , a faith unbeaten
says always come on,
stay on.

I saw my dad in my dreams ...

Last Night I dreamt of you father ,
Smothering your face behind your hand ,
When that tiny cracker streaked my hand ,
I saw a drop of tear , just because I had that minor tear .

This night I see you father ,
At the Marine you stand
Holding funeral fire in your hand,
It does shiver ,but your face says I will withstand .

Where did you get that courage from Daddy ,
I see my memories still run to continue to run in your head ,
keeping you awake , all night in your bed.

I dont dream now daddy, for I know I am here no more .
But Daddy I still learn from you daady ,
For you always make me feel alive ,
for I know I am a proud son of a Proud Dad.

~~This poem comes as a dedication from the Martyr to his father.(From Major Sandeep to his Dad ).
A father who stands with head held high when the whole country is moved by his valor .
Salute to Major Sandeep and the Salute to spirit of a FATHER.

Life doesnt need to be perfect in order to be happy

Often we crave for that perfect stranger , the perfect date ,a perfect booze , a perfect life (My manager for that perfect code too!!..ehh :D). The craving for perfect times doesnt go off .

But sometimes , those imperfect fiasco evenings are also so much of fun ....aren't they ?!

I remember once I particpated in a college fest of IIIT.It was my first time I saw any fest at a grand level.So it seemed I was too enthusiastic to attend every event.Most of them were almost on the same time .So I was confused to attend which one first..

To my luck I was out in of almost every event after the first round so I rushed to the next event ..one round ..out ..next one...At the end of the day I realized I was bragging about the number of snaps i had done...I looked like some all rounder .. So not every time winning is important ...and had i won in any of the event i would have missed on the thrill of the other one .Perhpas its the enthu that says u have done it...

We all have heard/said "dont expect too much...and dont take things for granted " then why so many expectaions from Life ...Perfect deliveries can still take place ...not perfect lives :)

Into my Own

A thin breeze , the hollow woods,
the high skies , were all unknown
and so far from where I stood ..

One of my wishes is to move in those dark woods,
To catch the cooing lark in my hands.
Fearless in the open land ,
run down the highway as fast as I can .

For all that I could not take hold of ,
Why should I run away ,
for I dont want to hold sand in my hands .

To overtake me , who should miss me here .
and long to know if Still I am dear .

They would not find me changed from what they knew ..
for all i know I was so true ..

No title this time :)

Just now stood up watching a movie which I after 15 minutes started testing my pateince .To cling onto something is an effort at times ...such a big effort ....

Has it not happpened with so many of us so many times that we dont like something initially but started liking it later .
Sometimes , we dont even appreciate those things/people but land up doing them .

Though we dont like them ...we say we love them ...Practically ,everything on which we spend time on start feeling their importance ...and perhaps so "Lage raho" works ..(even in films :D)

Perhaps one reason not to like things or like them too much is we choose before we decide . We say we know before we are really aware .

I usually I have a status as "the best things in life are not just things " .And now that I think what those things are ...I think they are the ones with whom I have spent time with ..good or bad ...but my life consists of only those .

We all have a limited vision .But if you want see more then you need to move forward .

(P.S : If this sounds too much of gyan , this one is for me .Chuck it )

Fantasy

Fantasty

An old poem retrived .....

Someone tells me -I ve lost you ,
I stir ,I awake,
I find you gone .
I spot out there in a distance
Running away so fast
With all that was ever mine
You....
I'd been gifted but one wish
I 'd spent it to find you,
I gave all for the brightness of your eyes
All just to be with you.
Was it just a dream
My eyes feel heavy
I want to hold on Please let me retain my fantasy
Let me retain you.

Late latif ..

Wisdom and Intelligence

I today read an interview of Cyrus Sahukar in BRUNCH(HT mag).An interview I liked after so many days .He was asked one question : What would you like to see in your girl ? In his answer one line was "She should be having wisdom --not intelligence " .Ha, I think one line explains it all.They both are divided by a thin line.

Perhaps so we have Artificial Intelligence ..but Artificial Wisdom still needs to be worked upon :)
Intelligence might have a restricted domain,like that of mind .But wisdom extends a little more,it matters more on its application and a good part is you might have it even if you are not a scholar or a sage .It might not please anyone but can impress the mighty .
So what am I -Intelligent, wise or none ..The third option suits me most :)

Wrong Number

One day I was sitting in my house and called my sister from my landline .I am bad with recalling numbers , and usually dial the wrong ones .So I called at a wrong number , and I realized my mistake and said sorry to that chap and kept down the phone .
Now the next day I called her and mistakenly dialed the same wrong number .(thats typical of me !!!).Anyways , as soon as I realized I kept down the phone without answering the person .

Now I got the call from that number .I told him I mistakenly called you .He replied yesterday also you called .Now I really couldn't explain that.(How could I explain a stranger , I am an idiot ).At the same time , I felt this guy is onto taking a chance to call up again and again .The usual timepass of vella boys .And I just yelled kaha na galti se , Now better dont disturb and banged down my phone .

It rang again after few minutes , and was the same person calling and asking who are you ? where are you calling from ?He did it two or three times and I banged the phone same way without answering .Later he called , and I kept my phone on hold , so that he puts down the phone ..but he kept on asking are "kuch to batao .."I am a truck driver from banswara .Why had you called , mera paisa to barbaad mat karo ." I at once realized may be I was mistaken in thinking this guy as a road side hulligen and I replied back , that this number I called by mistake.And he said haan to wahi Mai pooch raha tha and all .......and I kept down the phone and forgot the incident.

In the evening I saw in news ,in Banswara there is flood condition since two days . I realized thats why this man was calling me again and again.Perhaps he felt might be his relative is calling and I was just not ready to speak.

I felt "Kitni choti ho gayi hoon main ".I felt so ashamed .But perhpas most of us would have done that .I still feel we give so much importance to our petty issues ,while there is so much others are facing the same time .And I also felt one more thing "We assume too much , and understand too less .......................................

You Learn After a While

You Learn After a while
you learn the subtle difference Between
holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn...
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.


So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.


And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth...

And you learn and learn...

With every good-bye you learn.




~Jorge Luis Borges.

One peom I would recall even the day I die . Perhaps , not just a good bye , but each day , each success, each faliure , each relationship ,every new beginning has taught me this :-)

I sometimes wonder how beautifully and with how much perfection a poet expresses one and all.Hats Off!!

When heart is Full , Words are Few

Well the title is my usual status line.And somehow its so true to me .As true as I breate .But perhaps in those moments someone elses words have pulled me up .Up from heart and use my senses .
So today sitting all alone I am recalling you , for once again my words are few , and heart is full ..............................

~ When jokingly told Nu " To live in Gurgaon , you either need a guy or a car "
She answered " You dont need anything , all you need is attitude ".


~ On a bad day I told Taruna " When you expect/need the most from someone , he just doesnt come to you"
She replied " But then someone comes , from whom you expect the least or never even thought of "

~ Av -" There might be times when a decision would neither be right or wrong ,you will not even understand it would make you happy or sad , but the question would be live or die .Choose to LIVE."

~ Papa " Whatever happens in life , have your head over your shoulders , all things would be on right place later "

~ Mom Wishes when I touch her feet -" I just wish you are happy and happy by taking a good decision " Everytime she says that my trust increases many folds .

~ Varun Said on those dark days " KISS ~ Keep it simple ,stupid.Sometimes there might be things which are more important then life too , but if they have started comoplicating you skip them .They are wrong "

~ Amit "Keep an interface between yourself and the world , and the world would be a better place to be "

~ When I told pallo on completing the first module of our project "When I accomplish something , I immediately start feeling How would I do the next thing "
She Replied " I feel when I complete something , I immediately feel when I accomplished this why not that the next one ."

~ Kas " I dont value who does not value me " another thing i liked in her was she livedanything just for one day sorrow or happiness , the new day she all anew .

~ From Indian IDol , once Javed Aktar told this - Be like a leaf floating on water , whose one side is wet , but one side has no signs of water ."

~ Irfan Khan " Take your chance , baby ".I like this word yours .If the chance can make or direct your life then you should take that Chance.

~ From a recent friend " If you feel something has hurt you , rebuke that person and move forward .Why do you want to carry those pains all your way "

~ The best of all from an interview , This was a woman CEO -" Everything has its importance for a limited time.For that time give that thing your lifes best shots , but after it gets over it is insignificant ,nither think about it neither take credit nor do worry nor too boast."

She also added " Pain is ineveitable , but worring is optional " when she was Asked how did she recover from the pain of her dead son .

Well there are many great things people around me have said .And I am somewhere very fortunate I have got people around me , who have got such a strong character .May be If you were not there I would nt have been the way I am , and would have never felt that I can become what wish to be .

But I today perhpas again I need those words ...words that could speak my heart :(

Lets change it -2

The last blog had gone too long ..So here is the other half ..

working sytle :
when I say change your working style I mean a fullproof change in your attitude ...there is no point if we think but cant implement that change .Perhaps that would be analogus to our five year plans ..Which remain plans for entire tenure ..

I mean we also need to bring some change In the way we work ...If we p[ick up some work at least take the charge to complete it ..so that this chalta hai attitude never comes in our way ...

Also , we should all learn to find our own way ..why is it that a mass has to persue engineering or medical only after school ..know yourself and have confidence to define yourself..
If we keep these things in mind certainly India would develop .. Your profession is what that makes contributes to the countries prosperity ...If you are happy with what you do ...you brings some smiles to your nation too ....

Lets change *It* -1

So the whole story starts with "It"...
By It what ?I really meant was thinking style working pattern .

I somewhere believe change starts with thought ..a constant ,undeterring thought .
Once I heard on India FM "there is no question of being sensitive or insensitive ,when you are not even concerned ".thus there is no point blaming our countries misgivings when we are hardly concerned where its going ...

that why I stressed that we seriouly need to get influneced by facts and not manipulated data /info .I agree that we have a chunk thats unemployed and uneducated but isn't the educated chunk of india gets active , are we are enough to make these people aware atleast .

We can do this in our own small ways too :-

1.Read more books of indian authors and discuss them .No offence towards foreign autors but i want to say as hindi movies are popular amongst indians dispite of english watch ..love ur authors too .


2.Set an openion by what is the fact ,dont manipulate it like it has been done through Gujjars riots or the way Sanjay dutt has become a second mahatma .Its very important to set the right openion .
From all yesrs of education I have learnt that If we constantly think about something ,we start paving paths to reach that goal too .

I want to state an analogy here ....to stress why I m promoting these drawing room talks ..What youngsters talk the most about ...Perhpas Films !!
Indian films were usually condemned for picking up typical
masala...for Hollywood copies , underworld influence ...

Despite of all this We now have ..unconventional kinna films mushrooming slowly ..You know why ??
..because we want it !!!
Despite the film industry being unstructured ,corrupt,dominated by a handfull.. still they have to give us what we want.the same way If we want that our nation has to improve ..someday our political will have to show a prosperous picture despite they being bad ...If we tell them this is the way we want our nation to be ...

Seems An euphoric thought ..but I seriously mean it ..Talk about your nation and life in India whereever u can , till the length the person sitting beside you does nopt get influenced .

I know its a stupid ideology but I believe it still...

P.S : I hate long blogs ..So putting up the next part :D

How Indians get inspired

Now perhaps this time after long i m gonna write something about a social issue .I usually don't coz I how much you talk either of us hardly does anything about it and the argument is coffee bite argument "and the argument continues ...".

Still let me try this time ...

We always take example of some one and try to learn something .But I think the attitude by whoch we learn is somewhat very typical to inidans ...somewhere surfacial ...
Now a days I find people reading of Chi Gueras valor but few boasting about subash chandra bose .We read some stories of Indian fight for independence and the way we interpret them is -

Gandhi marched in white clothes - so all politicians wear white clotes .

Bhagat singh evolved a way to loot a train involving british goods ...we did BOForce and looted our own country .

They made a bomb blast in british parlaiment ...we bomb/burn buses and public utility places to raise our voice .

Gandhi did satyagrah and that united all indians ..Sanjay dutt did a film on gandhi and won sympathy of all indians .

Lal bahadur shastri resigned on ethical basis ...now these ethics are forced on every alternate leader and there is hardly anyone who goes by ethics .

Not just social I personally feel ..we , as indians take half learnings/responsibilty ...learn whats beneficial/convenient for a moment ..and forget the reason why things are done .


Have we ever realized a chunk of youth prepares for civil servcies ,managemant exams but still our counrty is quite unstructured .As professional we all are tought be assertive ..We hardly go assertive for our country (including me :( ).
We follow what these great leaders did but the idea behind doing all that is not the same.lets change it.......

Bring me a cup of Joy

Blink your eyes ,
Move your brain ,
Where ever its hidden
However I can gain ,

where ever the wind blows ,
where ever the flower blooms ,
Where ever the clowd hides the moon .

Bring them for me ,
For I want to dine with them ,

I dont have the ambitions to fly ,
But I want to feel the wind .
I may not bring words to a song ,
But I want to sing this hymm.

Bring me a cup of joy ,
Fizz it with a calmness of your voice ,
Lit a candle of your smile,
Oh friend !! Bring me a cup of joy ,
For I am desperate to end this pain.

One answer

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions”
-Raina Maria Rilke